In the Beginning - Chapter 1
In the Beginning....
I grew up a Jehovah’s Witness.
Whoah! Talk about starting the story with a bang!
But I am not going to go into religion, spirituality, or anything like that. But by knowing I grew up a Jehovah’s Witness, you will understand where it all started.
I am a Preacher’s Kid.
Oh SHIT! Bombshell #2.
So here it goes… I grew up a Preacher’s kid in a very strict religion. I went to Church (meeting as we called it) three times a week. I knocked on people’s doors every weekend, and all Summer long when school was out. I was on a tight schedule, very regimented, and always needing to please. I had to always be a good “example” to the rest of the congregation.
But as a Jehovah’s Witness I had very good training. I knocked on people’s doors for thousands and thousands of hours throughout my life. Some were nice, some were down-right nasty. So I got really good at coming up with ways to keep them distracted so they felt like they needed to be nice to me, and maybe hear me out for a minute. Maybe even take my Watchtower! Then I could tally that up on my little slip I turned in and then I would be WINNING!!! My parents would be proud and brag about me and the others in our car group would talk about what a faithful little soldier I am!!!! (insert evil laugh here)
So as I was saying….I got really good at distracting while selling. It went something like this…
KNOCK-KNOCK
Person answers in robe because, you know, we LOVE Saturday mornings... Hello? Can I help you?
Good Morning! These flowers you have here in these pots are so pretty! What are they called?
Ranunculus! I LOVE Ranunculus…. They are almost like Peonies!
Uh-huh…(ah crap – he hasn’t had enough coffee… I’m losing him!)
Well, do know you that the Bible tells us about a Heaven on Earth where flowers like these will bloom year, round? Covering the whole earth with this kind of beauty?......
And there it is…. SUPER TRAINING…
This is where my Husband says I first created my SALES FACE.
Derek: Babe, your eyebrows go up really, super high. And you start shaking your head “Yes.” And it makes the other person start bobbing their head too. And then they end of saying “Yes.” (insert heart emoji here)
Another example…. Several times a year I had to stand in front of the Congregation, create a skit of someone giving me an objection, and then answering it.
So for instance… I write a 5 minute skit (me, the 8 year old) where I show a teacher objecting, or questioning me about why I don’t celebrate Christmas. I then have to explain and reason with her, using Bible verses.
Afterwards, an Elder of the Congregation grades me on how close I came to the 5 minute mark, if I sounded convincing, did I use hand gestures, pause for emphasis, if my voice was shaky, if I made my point clear, if I used the correct scriptures to argue my point, and if the script I wrote was believable. Me, the 8 year old. And, by the way, this critique was made in front of 100 other people in the audience. After the critique was over, I then had to walk back to my parents, sitting a few rows back, to take my seat.
That walk back was my greatest act… No matter what the elder said… I would face the entire congregation unshaken, with humility, and a kind smile. I was the face of an angel!
I believe that my first “talk” (or script) was when I was seven years old, and continued until I left the religion.
This went on and on… year after year…. and I got real good at it…
My job was to set the example, for the youth of the Congregation, of how you were supposed to be and act. I wasn’t the only one – there were lots of other Preacher’s kids, and believe me, we have a bond – because we all went through it. But my parent’s in particular were very strict about EVERYTHING.
Anyway… take this crazy early childhood training story along with you on this journey – because, again… it will explain a lot.
PART 2
As soon as you say “Preachers” kid – you think… rebellious, slut, wild, liar…
MAYBE….
But the point of this is that I LEFT. I knew when I was 14 years old I needed to leave, and that is when I began my plan. If you know anything about being a Jehovah’s Witness, you know that when you leave- you are OUT. No family, no friends, NO ONE is allowed to have anything to do with you forever more.
To leave I needed to have GUTS. I knew that leaving was important to me. I was young, and stupid, and took lots of wrong turns on my path to get out, and then the aftermath that ensued. So yes, some of the “Preachers kid” stigma proved true. But I did what I thought was the right thing to do – and in your Path of Life – if you believe in your heart this is the right thing to do (whatever it is), then you have to do it. Fuck the Consequences - Hannah-ism
To leave, I also needed money. Lots of money. If I had money I could choose to do whatever I wanted. This is where my career path began.
Many people have heard my stories and they say things like “How MANY jobs have you HAD???” Or “What HAVEN’T you done???”
I did not have so many different jobs because I could not keep one. I had so many jobs because I always had at least two or three at a time.